I’ve experienced several long-term relationships, so I’ve seen how romance evolves—from playful flirting to the honeymoon phase, and eventually into that relaxed “Netflix and chill” routine. One thing that always stands out in each stage is how intimacy shifts over time. So, once you’ve moved in together, how often are couples really sharing physical intimacy? You’d think the excitement might wear off, right? But if the relationship is strong and healthy, that doesn’t necessarily happen—although there are no guarantees. Anyone assuming cohabitation leads to nightly passion clearly hasn’t seen Sex and the City.
In the film, the characters candidly discuss their intimate lives when Miranda confesses that she and her husband, Steve, haven’t been intimate in six months. She blames a few understandable stressors—her demanding job, a young child, and an ailing mother-in-law—for what she refers to as a “dry spell.” While Carrie and Samantha respond with skepticism, it’s Charlotte who gently defends her, saying, “Every couple is different.”
It’s almost like Charlotte had a session with Dr. Carolina Castaños, a clinical psychologist specializing in marriage and family therapy and the founder of MovingOn, a program dedicated to helping people recover from heartbreak. While Charlotte didn’t actually consult her, I did—and Dr. Castaños supports that very idea. “There is no magic number,” she says.
According to Dr. Carolina Castaños, when it comes to a healthy physical connection, it’s not about how often you do it—it’s about how connected you feel. “You could be sharing physical connection every day and still feel distant from your partner, or share it once a week and feel deeply fulfilled,” she explains. True intimacy, she says, comes from a strong emotional connection and a sense of safety with your partner.
So, why did Miranda’s dry spell cause such a stir? Well, for starters, the film Sex and the City centers heavily on romantic and intimate dynamics, so naturally, a lack of physical closeness became a point of discussion. But it also taps into a bigger conversation about what frequency of connection might reveal about a relationship.
Does Frequency Actually Matter in a Relationship?
There’s no universal answer for how often couples should be intimate. Still, physical connection plays a significant role in romantic partnerships. As Dr. Castaños puts it, “Physical connection isn’t like drinking water, where there’s a set amount you need every day. Instead, it enhances the connection between two people.” Think of it more like a supplement—not something essential to take daily, but beneficial when used thoughtfully.
How Can You Tell If You’re Not Sharing Enough Intimacy?
Personally, I’ve always found Carrie’s and Samantha’s judgment of Miranda’s intimate life a bit unfair. Frequency of physical connection is incredibly personal—there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Dr. Castaños agrees, but she also adds, “If a couple hasn’t shared physical connection in over a month, it could indicate deeper issues in the relationship.” That turned out to be true for Miranda and Steve—Steve ended up being unfaithful, but they eventually went to therapy, uncovered the root of the issue, and reconnected.
If your physical connection has slowed down significantly, and you’re feeling emotionally distant, it may be a sign that you and your partner aren’t communicating well. A partner might be withdrawing due to underlying unhappiness. Dr. Castaños notes that this type of disconnection often comes with other signs—mood swings, irritability, substance use, or avoiding each other.
Is It Possible to Share Intimacy Too Often?
Absolutely. The issue isn’t necessarily the frequency, but the intention behind it. Dr. Castaños explains that sometimes people use physical connection to fill an emotional void. “A moment of physical release releases oxytocin, which lowers cortisol—the stress hormone—making you feel good. Eventually, it becomes something you crave,” she says. It’s a temporary high, much like a drug.
You might be sharing physical connection more than usual, not because you’re feeling closer to your partner, but because you’re using it as a distraction from emotional distance or unresolved issues. When that emotional bond is missing, the physical connection becomes a substitute for real intimacy. Dr. Castaños emphasizes that “physical satisfaction has a much stronger connection to relationship happiness than the number of times you’re sharing intimacy.”
So yes, a high drive for connection like Samantha’s can be perfectly healthy—but only when it stems from real connection, not as a cover-up for problems beneath the surface.
