We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last.” But what about the pretend nice guys? You know the ones—they constantly claim to be good guys, but their actions say otherwise.
These are the men who believe that doing one kind gesture earns them a free pass to behave badly the rest of the time. And when you start to question their so-called “niceness”? They get defensive—because deep down, they know you’re starting to see the truth.
Yep. Those guys. The fake nice ones. And for some reason, they’re the kind I always seem to end up dating.
Over and over again, I find myself falling for the same type: the emotionally unavailable man who insists I’m “different,” even though his behavior shows I’m not.
He gives off a shy, quiet vibe—until you notice he’s actually full of himself. He’s got charm and confidence, but always seems just a bit insecure. He has a circle of friends, yet somehow he’s always alone. He looks like a nice guy—but he’s not. He’s pretending.
So, how can you tell if the guy you’re seeing is one of these fake nice guys? Here’s what to look out for.
1. He gets defensive the second you suggest he’s not so sweet.
You’re starting to notice things that don’t quite match up with the charming image he puts out. So you joke, maybe playfully say something like, “Wow, that was rude,” or “You’re kind of being a jerk.” But instead of laughing it off, he stiffens. “How am I being rude?” or “I’m not a jerk!” he snaps.
This isn’t just sensitivity—it’s subtle gaslighting. He chips away at you, little by little, and when you start to catch on, he denies everything. But the reason he’s so triggered? Because deep down, he knows you’re right. And no, he’s not going to change.
2. He disguises insults as compliments.
This guy has mastered the art of the backhanded compliment. He critiques your style, your choices, or your reactions—but wraps it up just enough to pass as “playful.”
“You look best in black,” he says while you’re wearing white.
“You’re cute when you’re mad,” he says—when you’re clearly not amused.
“You really like flats, huh?” he says with a smirk, suggesting you should be in heels.
Real compliments uplift you. These ones? They make you second-guess yourself. This isn’t kindness. It’s manipulation.
3. He’s more charming to strangers than to you.
You’ve been struggling to get more than one-word answers from him all evening, but as soon as the bartender shows up, he lights up. Suddenly, he’s talkative, engaging, and super friendly.
Sure, everyone else sees a sociable, fun guy. But you’re sitting there wondering why you can’t get that version of him, too.
4. He rushed the early stages—but only to fast-track sex.
At first, things feel intense in the best way. You’re seeing each other a lot. There’s passion. It’s physical, exciting, new. And you’re into it—you just also want the connection to go deeper.
But then you notice the pattern: He’s always down to hook up, rarely down for an actual date. He might tag along to events with your friends, but he’s not putting in any effort to plan something thoughtful for just the two of you. He’s showing up when there’s sex on the table—not when it’s about building something real.
5. He vanishes after you sleep together.
You wake up next to him, share a little morning intimacy, and expect at least a text later in the day. But it never comes. Not that day, and not for days after.
He assumes it’s fine. You’re busy, he’s busy—but the truth is, no one’s too busy to send a quick message. A genuinely decent guy would check in. A fake nice guy thinks he doesn’t have to.
6. He throws a fit when things don’t go his way.
If he wants to go out, you’re supposed to drop everything. If he’s ready to talk, you’re expected to be available. And if you’re not? Suddenly it’s your fault.
Fake nice guys are experts at flipping the script. They never take accountability. Instead, they turn the situation around to make you feel like you’re the one who’s off. You didn’t see him last night? That’s on you—for not meeting him on his terms.
7. He talks a lot but rarely listens.
you’re opening up, sharing parts of your life, trying to connect—and somehow, the focus always shifts back to him. You let it slide because you’re thoughtful, but you can’t help but notice how the conversation keeps looping back to his stories.
Then, out of nowhere, he brings up something you mentioned weeks ago—something you didn’t think he even heard. And it leaves you wondering: Was he listening the whole time? And if he was… why didn’t he care enough to engage when I first said it?
The imbalance in the conversation speaks volumes.
8. He flirts with other women when he thinks you’re not watching.
This was part of his charm in the beginning—he’s outgoing, fun, always the center of attention. But now that you’re together, it’s a different story. When he starts focusing more on your friends than on you, it doesn’t feel playful—it feels disrespectful.
Later, once you’re home and still processing his behavior, he’ll do something sweet—like gently resting your head in his lap, brushing your hair back. And somehow, just like that, you’re questioning if you were overreacting. But that tenderness? It’s not accountability. It’s a distraction.
And it works—until it doesn’t.
9. Deep down, you always sensed something was off.
You felt it. That little voice inside told you something wasn’t quite right. He wasn’t the kind, committed guy you hoped he was. You saw the red flags—the emotional distance, the half-hearted effort, the way he kept you at arm’s length—but you convinced yourself to give him a chance.
He had his sweet moments, sure. But they were outweighed by the subtle manipulation, the inconsistency, the selfishness. You made excuses because he seemed like a nice guy. But now, you see it clearly: he was only pretending.
It’s easy to feel foolish for falling for someone like this. But you’re not to blame—these guys are skilled at acting like the good guy. The important thing is that now, you know what to look for. So next time, you’ll trust your gut.
Ladies, trust me: let the fake nice guys finish last.
