What do you notice first when you meet someone for the first time? The answer differs from person to person. Some might be quick to pick up on body language, while others focus more on the conversation itself. Ultimately, what catches someone’s attention depends entirely on the individual — and this is true when it comes to what draws people to each other.
So, if you’re curious about what guys notice first when meeting someone new, the answer isn’t straightforward. “While physical attraction matters, there are other important traits when first meeting someone,” relationships expert and psychotherapist Dr. Gary Brown told Bustle. “Some almost universal qualities are general happiness and kindness to others, confidence without arrogance, passion, and a good sense of humor.”
People often look for a mix of traits, and it’s usually the complete package — flaws and all — that makes someone feel genuine and easier to connect with.
Of course, you should never feel pressured to change who you are based on what others think. Still, here’s what a few men shared about the personality traits they notice first in women — and some of their answers might surprise you.
David, 39: A Great Sense of Humor
“I’m drawn to a woman who shares my sense of humor. If she shows that right away, it definitely catches my attention.”
Damon, 41: Attitude Toward Money
“My wife was way smarter with money than I was when we met, and I found that incredibly attractive. It motivated me to step up my game. Money issues can break relationships, so it’s important to be on the same page from the start.”
Tim, 29: Thoughtfulness
“I notice how someone treats others — whether it’s important people or service workers. Are they kind and willing to go out of their way? That’s what matters most to me.”
Timmy, 23: Confidence
“To me, confidence means being willing to engage in conversation and take risks, rather than just smiling and looking at their phone.”
Holden, 23: Charisma
“I look for someone who can easily connect with different people and fit into new social situations without me having to worry.”
James, 25: Spontaneity
“I notice if a woman can stay fun and true to herself no matter the situation.”
Andrew, 31: Assertiveness
“On a date, I didn’t like my drink but didn’t want to make a scene. My date picked up on that and confidently asked the bartender to switch it for me — that assertiveness was impressive.”
John, 22: Humbleness
“I appreciate when girls are humble about what they have or do.”
Tedes, 25: Intelligence
“I immediately notice if a woman is articulate and has a strong vocabulary.”
The takeaway? Men notice different traits based on their own values, so no woman should feel pressured to change who she is to fit what some men might first see. Remember, a woman isn’t just one trait — she’s the whole beautiful package.
