Figuring out the right duration for intimacy is a bit like Goldilocks testing out bowls of porridge — it can feel too short, drag on too long, or hit that perfect sweet spot. Whether you’ve experienced it first-hand or just heard stories, chances are you’re familiar with both ends of the spectrum: quick encounters that are over in a flash, and marathon sessions that seem to stretch endlessly. With both extremes being so common, it’s natural to wonder — what’s the ideal length of time for sex? Luckily, there is a balanced middle ground between those two.
To get a clearer picture, researchers at Penn State reached out to professionals from the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, which includes psychologists, doctors, therapists, and social workers. Drawing from patient insights, they found that most people consider seven to 13 minutes as the most satisfying duration, with three to seven minutes still being seen as acceptable. These numbers reflect people’s preferences, but it also brings up another important question: how long does sex actually last for most people?
A study featured in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that, on average, sex lasts about 5.4 minutes. However, the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) emphasizes that several factors can influence this time. Sex means different things to different people, and preferences vary widely between partners. While some may enjoy a quick session, others might prefer to stretch things out — but in general, most couples fall somewhere in between the two.
Once you get a sense of how long you’d ideally like your intimate moments to last, it’s worth experimenting to discover what feels best for you. There’s no need to watch the minutes tick by, but using your phone’s stopwatch at the start and end can give you a rough idea. Whether you feel things end sooner than you’d like or continue beyond your comfort zone, there are practical ways to adjust and get closer to that ideal duration you’re aiming for.
When sex is cut too short, it may be due to one of you climaxing too early. To make the lovin’ last longer, Cosmopolitan suggested one or both of you reaching orgasm during foreplay, that way the main event will last longer. Since women can have multiple orgasms, it’s easier to climax again, even after foreplay. But men need some time between orgasms one and two, so try to plan his first one with enough down time before the two of you knock boots. Trying tricks such as these may help your romp in the sheets last longer than in the past.
If you’re aiming for a quicker experience, your approach to sex may need to change. When things are taking longer than desired, there are effective ways to reach orgasm faster without compromising on pleasure. Women’s Health magazine highlights several techniques for women who want to climax more quickly. These include experimenting with different sexual positions, incorporating sex toys, and taking a more active role during foreplay. Trying out various methods can help you discover what works best for your body and enhance your overall experience.
While studies may estimate the average duration of sex at 5.4 minutes, everyone’s experience is different, and there’s plenty of room for personalization. Ultimately, what matters most is that you and your partner feel satisfied with the time that works best for both of you.
